ADDICTED TO BRAKE FLUID

March 8, 2013 § Leave a comment

In a gesture to make up for the last miserable helping of puns I dished out to you, I donned a haz-mat suit and dug down to the stratum where the vein of these monstrosities is found, and mined this lode for you …

You still have to supply your own rimshots.

Here they are …

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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

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All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

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I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.
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When chemists die, they barium.

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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

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I know a guy who denies he’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

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How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
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This woman said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never
met herbivore.

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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

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I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

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They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra and ordered a martini.

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Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory, to be followed by a pop quiz.
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Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
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I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

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Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

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When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

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What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

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Broken pencils are pointless.

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What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

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England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

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I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

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I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

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I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

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Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

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Velcro – what a rip off!

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Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

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Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

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I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

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Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

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