Things We Think We Heard in Court
June 30, 2017 § 1 Comment
I try to jot down droll things that people say in the course of their testimony.
Here are two from just last week:
“It was her lies. That was the icing that broke the camel’s back.”
“I spend every penny on my children. It takes the cake to support them.”
My all-time favorite, reported here previously:
“Of course, you realize that the flip side of that coin is a two-edged sword.”
And a note that a defendant enclosed with his temporary alimony:
“I heard that your lawyer had a heart attack. I hope the little grease spot dies.”
That note was admitted into evidence along with several alimony checks with the entry “Fat cow extortion” on the memo line.
In a case I tried, a witness testified that the force of impact in a car crash was so great that her neighbor was “almost decapacitated.”
A woman testifying in a custody case repeatedly referred to her daughter as being “bi-polo.”
Pardon me for this one, but a woman earlier this week told the chancery clerks that she needed some papers “masturbated.” A clerk asked her if she meant notarized or certified. “No,” she said, “masturbated.”
And, finally, this actual exchange in my court:
Atty 1: Objection, irrelevant.
Court: How is that relevant?
Atty 2: I don’t know. I was just throwing up a Hail Mary hoping to hit something.
Court: Well, the pass is incomplete; call another play.
Me: Would you like a continuance to find another attorney?
Party: I can’t afford to buy another one.