DON’T LOOK NOW, BUT I THINK THAT BOOMERANG IS HEADED BACK THIS WAY
December 22, 2011 § 1 Comment
Actual courtroom proceedings collected from hither and yon over the years …
Toxic voir dire
Q: You indicated that you knew one of the attorneys. Which attorney do you know?
A: I know you. You represented me in a personal injury claim I had.
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Q: You have heard me ask about the distinction in burden of proof. What do you think of that?
A: I think you have about beat that horse to death.
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Q: Ma’am, I am having trouble reading your writing. It says that you are manager at a hotel?
A: Yeah, it does. I thought you said you had trouble reading my writing.
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Q: Does it make any difference to you in this case that I prosecuted you a while back in another case?
A: Not really, since I won the case.
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Object Lessons
Atty: I object under the “who cares” principle.
Court: Sustained.
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Atty: I prophylactically object to the question.
Court: Prophylactically?
Atty: I am not talking about contraception, judge. I am talking about preventing a line of questioning that would …
Court: Your prophylactic objection is premature.
Atty: Then I withdraw it.
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Atty 1: Objection, irrelevant.
Court: Sustained.
[Later in the trial …]
Atty 2: Objection, irrelevant. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, judge.
Court: Sustained.
[Later in the trial …]
Atty1: Objection.
Court: What’s the ground for your objection?
Atty 1: That goosey-gander thing.
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All in the Family Law
Q: Have you and your wife equitably divided all of your personal property?
A: Yeah. I went by and picked up what she throwed out.
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Q: She has Chanel? Is that the name of the dog?
A: Yes, and I want half.
Q: You want half? How do you expect that to work?
A: I want the front half. I will feed it. She can have the other half.
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Mens Rea in Corpore Insano
Prosecutor: Mr. Sheriff, when you pulled over the defendant, was she drunk?
Defense atty: Objection. Calls for a conclusion.
Court: Sustained.
Prosecutor: Mr. Sheriff, when you stopped the defendant were your blue lights flashing?
High Sheriff: Yes, sir.
Prosecutor: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
High Sheriff: Yes, sir.
Prosecutor: What did she say?
High Sheriff: “What disco am I at?”
This is great, Judge Primeaux! Your blog continues to be a wonderful, and relaxing, asset!