My Friend Allen

January 13, 2017 § 6 Comments

A few of you are acquainted with my incomparable friend, Allen, who lives in North Mississippi, and has been regaling me with his humor almost daily for the past several years. Since all lawyers, judges, and other legal professionals are always in dire need of something to make us laugh, I thought I’d go ahead and introduce you to his wry sense of humor by sharing this sample with you …

My friend Allen got a little carried away with the holiday spirit last Saturday night and ordered a beer for everybody in the bar.
He was disappointed that a lot of people refused to drink from the same mug.

My friend Allen saw a piece on tv that cautioned people never to go grocery shopping when hungry.
He says it’s been 3 days now, there’s no food in his house, and he’s absolutely starving.

My friend Allen thinks reincarnation is making some sort of comeback.

My friend Allen says that people who stereotype other people are pretty much all alike.

My friend Allen’s neighbor made a date to meet his girlfriend at the gym, and then he didn’t show up.
It was his way of telling her that they weren’t working out.

My friend Allen says he is swearing off holiday leftovers this year.
He’s quitting cold turkey.

My friend Allen says that he’s never purchased life insurance because he wants everyone to be truly sad when he dies.

My friend Allen just found out that “Aaaaarrrrrrrgh!” is not a word.
He can’t say how frustrated he is.

My friend Allen went to the ear doctor last week because his hearing seemed to be slipping a bit. The doctor asked if Allen could describe any of the symptoms.
Allen replied, “Sure. Marge has blue hair and Homer needs to shave.”

My friend Allen’s 95-year-old mother has a hard time understanding modern times, and the other day she was shocked to find out that Allen had to pay 50 cents to pump up his tires.
“Why should you have to pay for air?” she asked.
“It’s inflation.” Allen answered.

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