‘NUF SAID
December 14, 2011 § 1 Comment
Following is the entire opinion rendered in the case of Denny v. Radar Industries Inc., 28 Mich. App. 294, 184 N.W.2d 289 (1970):
“The appellant has attempted to distinguish the factual situation in this case from that in Renfroe v. Higgins Rack Coating and Manufacturing Co., Inc. (1969), 17 Mich.App. 259, 169 N.W.2d 326. He didn’t. We couldn’t. Affirmed. Costs to appellee.”
Michigan Court of Appeals Judge J. H. Gillis deserves a medal for getting right to the point.
OVERHEARD
November 23, 2011 § 1 Comment
Lawyer 1: “You know, you really shouldn’t smoke; it’s bad for you.”
Lawyer 2: “My grandmother lived to the age of 97.”
Lawyer 1: “Did she smoke?”
Lawyer 2: “No. She minded her own business.”
BACK IN THE DAY WHEN LAW SCHOOL WAS REALLY TOUGH
November 3, 2011 § 2 Comments
Law school ground you down, eh? Con Law especially rugged? Took you a while to get back on your feet?
Well, you only thought you had it tough. Take a look at this sad tale of an overzealous law student from the Chicago Tribune’s June 8, 1900, edition.
“CONSTITUTIONAL LAW!” he shouted. Indeed. If that had been me, I would have yelled “REAL PROPERTY” and swooned dead away.
___________________________________________________________
Thanks to The Law Life.
WHAT PRICE JUSTICE?
October 26, 2011 § 2 Comments
There were lawyers ‘way back in 1960. You youngsters will have to take my word for that. Heck, I will even have to take my word for that, because I was a mere 11 years old at the time.
Those 1960’s lawyers had the ingenious idea that bar-mandated fee schedules would accomplish some good things, such as providing some protection for clients against unconscionable fees, giving lawyers a framework for determining what would be reasonable, and would give the courts a measuring device.
I remember when I was admitted to the Mississippi bar, all of us received a navy binder with ethical rules, useful telephone numbers and mailing addresses, and fee schedules. Later, as a young lawyer in Memphis in 1974, I received my copy of the Memphis and Shelby County bar’s fee schedule.
We lawyers all regarded fee schedules as a benign thing.
Then the US Supreme Court saw a bugbear lurking among that legal finery, and declared fee schedules unacceptable. Legal fees were free to float through the ceiling, and, indeed, the roof; clients be danged. Freed of gravity, legal fees have done what all things do when unfettered by an earthward pull.
Meridian lawyer Dan Self brought me a fascinating document published May 2, 1960, by the Mississippi State Bar. It’s entitled Fee Computation and Law Office Management. It offers a look at how law practice has changed, as well as how it hasn’t changed, in the intervening 51 years. I won’t bore you with the rusty nuts and bolts of law office management, but I am sure you will find some of the fee schedule entertaining. Consider:
- Advice and consultation by telephone or in office … $5.00
- Advice and consultation out of lawyer’s office … $10.00
- Preparation of Articles of Partnership with capital less than $5,000 … $150.00
- Incorporation (obtaining charter, drafting by-laws, conducting first meeting of stockholders and directors and preparing minutes thereof, and reporting organization to the Secretary of State) … $250.00
- Will or codicil for estate with value less than $2,500 … $15.00
- Will or codicil for estate with value greater than $2,500 … $25.00
- Certficate of title for 32-year chain of title … $50
- Complaint for divorce, custody or separate maintenance, uncontested … $100.00
- Complaint for divorce, custody or separate maintenance, contested … $150.00, plus time for trial
- Chancery court trials: Preparation of pleadings … $100; Court appearances per day … $150
I can testify that these fees were aspirational by the time I spent any time in Mississippi court rooms. Around 1981, I tried a three-day trial before then-Chancellor Howard Pigford. Since I prevailed, he awarded my client a “reasonable attorney’s fee” in the princely sum of $150. That was $50 a day for some heavy lifting.
“ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS …”
September 27, 2011 § 3 Comments
Cell phones in court rooms have given rise to some pretty funny situations.
I have seen judges fly into a blind rage at the sound of a ringing cell phone during a trial. And I have seen judges act benignly, at most emitting a resigned sigh to the techno intrusion. The range of reactions is almost infinite.
In the early days of cell phones in our district, Judge George Warner was in the more-or-less rageful category. Since people were unaccustomed to the new contraptions, it happened fairly often that they neglected to turn them off before entering the court room. So it was that chirping cell phones could be heard as witnesesses droned on in trials. The high frequency ringtones irked Judge Warner the most. He would stop the witness, demand to know whence the intrusion arose, and direct the bailiff to confiscate the offending instrument forthwith. Since it never happened to me or my client personally, I never discovered what became of all those seized phones. I imagined that there was a warehouse with stockpiles of them, some buzzing or beeping merrily along unanswered, with no human to put them to rest.
In time, as people became used to the electronic marvels and the instruments became more sophisticated, we learned to put our phones on “vibrate.” We males also learned not to carry them in our pants pockets in the court room when the phone was on vibrate, lest sudden vibrations in that region cause a surprised yelp or leap into the air inconsistent with court room decorum.
And so the practice became to place the vibrating phone on counsel’s table, where it could vibrate away without consequence. Or so we thought. In one trial I had, I was cross examining the witness at the only court room podium in Judge Mason’s court. The podium was next to counsel opposite’s table. As I questioned the witness, I was distracted by a sound akin to a swarm of bees to my right. After a minute I looked over and there was Robbie Jones’s cell phone lit up like a Christmas tree, vibrating loudly on the oak table. The table was amplifying the sound. Every time the phone vibrated, it inched across the table like a buzzing, manic seventeen-year locust. Jones sat there and watched the creature head toward the edge of the table. Right before it lurched off into oblivion, I snatched it and handed it to Jones with a flourish. We two lawyers were quite amused. Judge Mason not so much.
When I took the bench, it became my practice not to react to the mere blirping of a cell phone in my court room. Most callees react with mortification at their oversight, and commence with comic spasmic desperation to put a stop to the interruption. I figure their embarassment is punishment enough. Of course, my reaction would be different at the second offense by the same person, or if the offender began a cell phone conversation in the court room.
Most judges nowadays react by taking up the phone and holding it until the end of the day or the trial. Judge Gene Fair of Hattiesburg related his woeful experiences:
On one Friday afternoon in Poplarville, early in my first term as a judge, it was announced by me just before beginning of a trial that ringing cell phones during a trial would be considered, as allowed and provided by a Uniform Chancery Rule, to be contempt of court punishable by a fine of $50.00.
Forty (40) minutes into the trial my phone rang. I recessed Court, wrote a check for $50.00, put my phone in chambers and announced that future fines would be $25.00, and would be paid at the close of proceedings, when the offending phone would be returned to its owner by the bailiff. .
It was funny to almost everyone in the Courtroom, as was my payment of $25.00 the following Monday in Purvis, when two lawyers joined me in paying the Clerk a total of $75.00. As Justice Mike Sullivan pointed out when he showed up significantly late for a trial because of having gone to the wrong courthouse and wrote a $100.00 check to the clerk for his contempt, “I have learned a lesson. I hope someone else has also.”
I have had to pay only $25.00 this year, and it is September.
So far in my time on the bench I have paid a total of $250 in four of five of my counties. There are only one or two other offenders who have gone as high as $100.00. In Perry County, the smallest county and the one of which my great-grandfather was a Justice of the Peace, I have a pristine record. It is probably the result of only three one week terms and a few ex-parte days schedule for my presence there.
That oh, so convenient cell phone with its pleasant bell-tone. Will it toll for thee?
TRIAL BY GRIDIRON
September 2, 2011 § Leave a comment
Football season is here.
Lawyer 1: When did you learn that your husband had used the retirement funds to pay off his debt?
Lawyer 2: Objection. Irrelevant.
Judge: How is that relevant?
Lawyer 1: It’s probably not. I just threw a “Hail, Mary” hoping to hit something.
Judge: Well, the pass is incomplete. Call another play.
These referee signals might come in handy next time something like that comes up again in court …
Having a logic referee might help. But even with a referee, things usually look more like this …
A previous post with a link to a catalogue of logical fallacies is here.
Referee signals from Marginal Revolution.
YEAH, BUT THEY’RE APPOINTED FOR LIFE
August 31, 2011 § 8 Comments
Federal judges have it made.
They can say what’s really on their minds without fear of an inflamed bar, or elective repercussions, or the judicial performance commission.
As Exhibit A, I offer this court order from a Texas federal district court in a discovery dispute:
As I’ve said here before, some judges have no patience for discovery disputes.
Thanks to Attorney Marcus Evans
SHARING THE HARVEST
June 18, 2011 § Leave a comment
Lisa has a knack for growing all manner of things. Her patio garden of potted plants yields up a delicious variety of produce that finds its way into our grateful kitchen. This summer we are enjoying tomatoes and peppers galore, as well as the usual herbs. At the end of the summer we will again have a bumper crop of juicy lemons.
This year we have been sharing the harvest, but not with gladsome hearts.
You see, our little patio garden is being pillaged by 2 quarreling mockingbirds (tempting to kill them, but such is proscribed here in the south), a chipmunk with an attitude of entitlement, a sassy squirrel, and a bitchy wren who scolds as she is run off. These little monsters gobble holes into the tomatoes and even like to nibble on the hot cherry peppers. The netting spread over to ward them off has only set them a challenge to which they have gamely risen. This afternoon I fought hundred-degree heat to shoo most of the characters away — twice. One of the mockingbirds, the chipmunk and the wren had all gotten underneath the netting and were feasting away on the two biggest, ripest tomatoes. Ruined. I had to release the insanely panicked mockingbird from his frantic prison in the net — and again five minutes later. The wren and the munk escaped unhampered, but the wren stuck around long enough to scold me stridently as I labored to loose the mocker.
The netting is now rearranged and more secure. My reassuring, “Don’t worry, they won’t want to fight this netting,” proved to be foolishly wrong.
I did set up a kind of a bird bath nearby, with fresh water, based on the theory that the little critters are actually thirsty in this miserable heat. We’ll see whether that gives some relief from the onslaught.
So it’s man against nature. Mano a mano. Will we prove to be able to outsmart these creatures? Stay tuned.
Ironically, just last week, there was another shared harvest. Our beautiful Easter-yellow daylillies bloomed in the front yard, down by the street. I noted how the dozen or so blooms trumpeted their beauty in the morning light as I left the driveway on the way to the court house. When I returned home that evening, alas, someone had picked them all, right from our yard. The lovely blooms graced someone else’s table, I suppose.
Now I am not sure of the etiquette that is involved here. On the one hand, one could argue that they are God’s gift to us for all to enjoy. If that’s so, why does the person who picked them get to enjoy them selfishly? Why not leave them there by the curb for all to smile on? And on the other hand, it’s my property, dammit. Where do you get the nerve to come on my property and pick my (or God’s) flowers?
Oh, well, I am over it. Maybe the flower-picker really needed those blooms more than I did. I’ll leave it at that.
The flowers did remind me of an incident that happened up the street several years ago. The guy is in his house at dusk and notices two women digging in his garden where he had planted many perennials and bulbs. He walks down the sloping driveway and greets the two women who are cordial, but intent on their task. One is snipping flowers and the other is digging up bulbs. He asks them to stop and the women are indignant. How dare he. The snipper says she is giving an engagement party for some young friends of the family and needs these flowers. Her companion points out that the daylillies need dividing anyway, and she is merely taking some of the division. All well and good, he says, but I want you off my property and don’t come back and molest my flower bed, he says. The women leave in a huff, incredulous at his insensitivity and crass indifference to their sense of entitlement.
When he told me who the women were, I knew one of them quite well, as I had represented her in a divorce a few years before. The other I knew in passing. Either woman could have whipped out a check and bought the guy’s house and flowers without any pinch in their budgets. I wonder whether they were aware that we now have florist shops that more or less eliminate the need to shop in other people’s yards for your flower needs.
And so we march into summer, which begins Monday. Ouch. Its’s not even summer yet and it’s already hot as hades. The last summer I remember like this was 2005 — the summer of Katrina.
But tomatoes like it hot, right? And mockingbirds, squirrels, wrens and chipmunks like tomatoes. Anybody got a recipe for mockingbird, wren, squirrel and chipmunk fricasee … with tomato?















