The Better Chancery Practice Blog

According to the Chinese zodiac — and who can argue with that — 2013 is the Year of the Snake.

The idea that this will be the Year of the Snake got me thinking about the law. I guess that’s because, after sharks, snakes are the most likely creatures to be mentioned in the same breath with lawyers, as in “A shark, a snake, and a lawyer walk into a bar …”

If you were born under the Sign of the Snake, the Chinese believe that you possess the snake’s attributes. So what can we learn about lawyers born under this serpentine sign? I did a little research to find out.

From what I read, the snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence and gracefulness. Good start. Both are certainly desirable traits for any lawyer.

Snakes are also considered by the Chinese to be materialistic. Yes, this is what they maintain, but this seems problematic to me on a couple of counts. First, most materialistic people are considered “grasping,” but how can one grasp when one has no appendage with which to grasp? Second, I am unaware of any hoarding snake species, although I do have to confess that my lack of knowledge is due not only to lack of research on the subject, but also to utter reluctance to do any personal invesitigation. Too, it seems odd to me to think of snakes as materialistic. Magpies, yes. Raccoons, yes. Chimpanzees, yes. Copperheads, not so much. Lawyers? To be honest, I have to admit that the pursuit of materialism that is a motivator for many of us in the legal profession is more shark-like than snake-like.

Not mentioned anywhere in the sources I researched are the facts that snakes are cold-blooded, and have beady eyes, that forked-tongue thing, and fangs. All wincingly stereotypical lawyer traits. Snakes also eat fluffy, cute animals that would be great pets for little children if they were not eaten by the snakes. On the whole probably not so positive an attribute for lawyers, at least in most circles outside of the membership of the bar.

If you were born under this sign, you have no problem making an asp of yourself. Okay, I just made that up to be funny. If you thought it was funny, fangs a lot.

“When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations.” I read that on a web site. Now, I don’t know about you, but my encounters with snakes, both the deadly pit vipers, as well as the non-poisonous and merely scary-as-hell kinds, have never given me the impression that they are analytical. In fact, they impress me as being insanely impulsive. And if you’ve ever seen one strike up close, I think you would agree that they do, indeed, “jump into situations.” You would prefer that one not jump into your particular situation.

The authorities say that snakes are effective at getting the things they want. Yes, I think they usually do, considering the consequences of not giving a venomous reptile exactly whatever its cold-blooded heart desires.

According to one piece I read, snakes like calmness, preferring quiet over noise. This may be one reason why none of us has ever heard a snake scream.

Another source said that humans born under this sign want a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked, and they become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Next time you encounter a right choleric lawyer who turns out to be a snake, you just might find that she’s too busy and needs some orderly peace and quiet. I am sure you can contrive some ways to turn that to your advantage. But why would someone who craves peace, order and breathing room want to enter the high-pressure legal profession in the first place?

Good question, because although snakes are diligent, creative, hard workers who are excellent problem solvers, my research indicates that good career choices for snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist. No mention of the law.

In their personal relationships, snakes excel at seduction. Interesting. I always thought it was that turbaned flute player who had the cobra in thrall, but the Chinese say it’s vice versa. Snakes can be insecure (who knew?), jealous and possessive (grasping?). The snake is compatible with those born under the sign of the rooster and the ox, and incompatible with pig and monkey. There are all kinds of thoughts I could offer on that, but I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Finally, without going into too much detail, different snake years have the added attributes of metal, water, wood, fire, and earth. If you’re a snake, here are yours:

Metal Snake – Years 1941 and 2001

Incredibly goal-oriented, Metal Snakes will stop at nothing to get that which they believe they deserve. Failure is not in their vocabularies. With their money, they’re continually acquiring more and more possessions – for themselves.

Water Snake – Years 1953 and 2013

Influential, motivated, insightful, and highly intellectual are words that best characterize Water Snakes. These Snakes work well with others and enjoy being recognized and rewarded. They’ll reveal feelings to those closest to them, but no one else.

Wood Snake – Years 1905 and 1965

Kind and genuine, these Snakes enjoy building a solid foundation of friends and family whom they love deeply and whose company they enjoy immensely. But even with all this support, Wood Snakes rarely seek the advice of others.

Fire Snake – Years 1917 and 1977

Fire Snakes are more extroverted, forever offering opinions and telling others what’s on their minds. Even so, others enjoy listening to Fire Snakes. They’re very persuasive and are especially good at convincing others that their ways are best.

Earth Snakes – Years 1929 and 1989

Earth Snakes always seem to be calm and content. They’re friendly and approachable and believe that they’ll reap great rewards by working hard and relying on common sense.

I am proud to say that, as an ox myself, I am compatible with snakes. That’s for the best, since I have had many occasions to deal with, handle, and avoid getting bitten by any number of them through the years — professionally and otherwise. I’m with the snakes, too, when it comes to pigs and monkeys. The less I have to deal with those, the better.